TTC | Infertility Support Forum - Questions about Using Donor Insemination

Originally Posted by katt31

Hi everyone, after a year and a half of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, my husband and I starting to consider alternative options. I'm leaning toward DI, but I have so many questions.

-Do you see any benefits to DI over adoption or vice versa?
-What are the pros and cons of using sperm from an anonymous donor versus someone we know? (my husband and I are having major disagreements about this, I lean toward an anonymous donor, but he wants to use a relative)
-If we do use an anonymous donor, what are important factors to consider in sperm selection?
-If we use an anonymous donor, when and how do you tell your child?

I know this is a lot to ask, but if anyone has thoughts on any of these questions please let me know. I really appreciate it!

-Kat

This is a common question although in many cases IVF with a testicular biopsy is another consideration that is more likely to work in cases of obstructive azospermina than testicular failure.

I have heard argument for each and they go like this: In the end it is personal choice and what is right for one couple may not be right for the next.
Pros of using anonymous sperm
1- There is no person who feels special attachment or fatherly responsibility other than your husband. There is the possibility when you utilize a known donor that this individual may feel certain rights to get involved in your child's life beyond that which you feel comfortable which may lead to conflicts.
2- The donor is completely screened in a rigorous way as dictated by the FDA and the NYS DOH for infectious diseases and hereditary disorders. With a known donor, corners are sometimes cut.

Pros of using known donor.
1- The parent is known to you in terms of physical characteristics, personal history, medical history etc. You have a greater comfort level with the parent. Having said this, knowing the 2 parents only gives you an idea about the DNA template from which your baby will develop. We all know children of the same 2 parents who vary significantly physically, emotionally and intellectually.

2- Your husband may feel a significant genetic connection to the baby if the donor is genetically related to him. This is particularly important to some men.

The potential benefit of adoption over donor gamete is that there is no assymetry in the relationship as is sometimes felt when donation is performed as a substitute for one parent especially the male as he doesnt get to carry the pregnancy for nine months and experience personally the delivery like the mother does.

Factors to consider are physical match, health of donor and family history, educational history, hobies, interests, occupation history.

It is recommended that you tell your child when he is ready as determined together with a mental health professional who should support you in this process. There are some good childrens books which are useful to aid in telling children about their unique parentage.

Good luck! and don't hesitate to contact us with further questions. You may reach me directly through email, dkreiner@eastcoastfertility.com