In the Category: IVF, Nominated for Best Supporting Role Is…

Many husbands complain that they feel left out of the whole IVF
process as all the attention and care is apparently directed towards
the woman. If anything they may feel that at best they can show up
for the retrieval at which time they are expected to donate their sperm
on demand. If you should fail at this then all the money, time, hope
and efforts were wasted all because you choked when you could not
even perform this one “simple” step. I have not witnessed the terror
and horrors of war but I have seen the devastation resulting from an
IVF cycle failed as a result of a husband’s inability to collect a specimen.
Relationships often do not survive in the wake of such a disappointment.
Talk about performing under pressure, there is more at stake in
the collection room than pitching in the World Series. Husbands and male partners
view IVF from a different perspective than their wives. They are not the ones
being injected with hormones; commuting to the physician’s office
frequently over a two week span for blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds
and undergoing a transvaginal needle aspiration procedure. At least women are
involved in the entire process, speak with and see the IVF staff regularly
and understand what they are doing and are deeply invested emotionally
and physically in this experience. So what is a husband to do?

Get Involved

Those couples that appear to deal best with the stress of IVF are ones
that do it together. Many husbands learn to give their wives the injections.
It helps involve them in the efforts and give them some degree of
control over the process. They can relate better to what their wives are
doing and take pride that they are contributing towards the common
goal of achieving the baby. When possible, husbands should accompany
their wives to the doctor visits. They can interact with the staff, get questions
answered and obtain a better understanding of what is going on.
This not only makes women feel like their husbands are supportive but
is helpful in getting accurate information and directions. Both of these
things are so important that in a husband’s absence I would recommend
that a surrogate such as a friend, sister, or mother be there if he cannot be.
Support from him and others help diminish the level of stress and especially
if it comes from the husband helps to solidify their relationship.
Husbands should accompany their wives to the embryo transfer.
This can be a highly emotional procedure. Your embryo/s is being placed
in the womb and at least in that moment many women feel as if they
are pregnant. Life may be starting here and it is wonderful for a husband
to share this moment with his wife. Perhaps he may keep the Petri dish
as a keepsake as the “baby’s first crib”. It is an experience a couple is not
likely to forget as their first time together as a family.

With regards to the pressure of performing to provide the specimen
at the time of the retrieval, I would recommend that a husband freeze a
specimen collected on a previous day when he does not have the intense
pressure of having to produce at that moment or else. Having the insurance
of a back up frozen specimen takes much of the pressure off at the
time of retrieval making it that much easier to produce a fresh specimen.
There are strategies that can be planned for special circumstances
including arranging for assistance from your wife and using collection
condoms so that the specimen can be collected during intercourse.
Depending on the program these alternatives may be available.